Softest Shadow Page 8
“Get out of my house.”
“Are you saying you do not want the help of our Lord?”
Natalie looks down at me, bleeding on the floor at her feet. I look into her eyes, hoping to see the same trust that normally fills them but this time I can’t see anything, I can’t read what she’s feeling. She turns back to the angel.
“Please,” she says quietly, “get out of my house.”
The angel nods her head and the flames extinguish as she vanishes, flickering like a candle as it goes out. As the last traces of the angel flicker out, Natalie drops to my side.
“Oh my god,” she gasps, taking in the wound in my shoulder. “There’s so much blood.”
She moves the fabric of my shirt away and I wince as her fingers brush the cut.
“Sorry,” she says. “Don’t move. I have to go get some things.”
She goes to leave but my words stop her, “But you know what I am.”
Her eyes fill with that same fire of anger I saw in the market the first day I met her. Anger I haven’t seen from her since.
“Do you think I care about that right now?” She yells and disappears out the doorway.
I hear her run upstairs and rummage around in her bathroom. I try and sit up but fresh pain rolls through me. I lie back down and wait for her to come back. She doesn’t take long and returns carrying towels, hydrogen peroxide, bandages, and scissors. She sets them down and leaves again, only to return with a pot of hot water.
“Natalie I’m fine,” I reassure her. “I just need time to-”
“So help me Jack if you don’t lie still and let me do this I will stab you myself.”
She holds the scissors threateningly and I half believe that she will. I shut up and let her do what she wants. Carefully she cuts my shirt and removes it, exposing my mangled shoulder. She dips one of the towels in the water and cleans away the blood. As she reaches for the hydrogen peroxide I stop her and she glares at me.
“Trust me, I don’t need that, it won’t get infected.”
She stares at me a minute before putting it back down.
“You need a doctor, surgery, stitches, something…”
“I’ll be fine. Just bandage it up.”
She nods reluctantly and gets back to work. I close my eyes and try not to focus on the pain as she places the bandages and tape. She finishes the shoulder and moves to my arm where the wood stabbed into me. It’s not nearly as bad as the shoulder. When she’s done she sits back and stares at me. I manage to sit up.
“Thank you. I’ll leave now.” Before I can even try to get up she fixes me with a glare.
“My threat still stands. Lay back down.”
I slowly lower myself back to the floor. My eyes land on my ruined shirt and I smile at her.
“Darn. That was my favorite shirt.”
It doesn’t work and she glares at me even harder.
“Sorry,” I mumble, looking away from her. I lay there quietly waiting for her to speak. It’s a long time before she does.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asks.
“It isn’t something you just tell people.”
“Did you think I wouldn’t understand?”
“Why would you?”
“Because I-” she yells but stops herself.
“You what?”
“Forget it.”
She crosses her arms and looks away from me.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“You should be.”
“You can stab me if that will make you feel better.”
The corners of her mouth twitch but she doesn’t smile.
“Trust me, I’m thinking about it.”
“Anywhere will do. Although I ask that you stay away from anywhere below the belt.”
That does it and smile breaks free on her face. She covers her face in frustration.
“Stop it. I’m trying to hate you,” she grumbles into her hands.
I drag myself over to her and touch her arm. She doesn’t flinch or move away. When she removes her hands I don’t see fear, but exhaustion.
“Tell me what you want me to do,” I say. “If you want me to go, I’ll go. If you want me to stay, I’ll stay.”
“I want to go back to before that doorbell rang,” she says quietly.
“Well, I can do that but I’m afraid I won’t be much fun. I can lay here while you have your way with me though.”
“I will punch you,” she threatens but her smile says otherwise.
“Just trying to help.” I lay back down. I’m exhausted. This wound was really taking it out of me.
“If I ask you something, will you tell me the truth?”
“Of course I will.”
She looks uncertain but asks anyway.
“Demons can influence people, right? Charm them and stuff?”
“In a way, why?”
“I just, have you ever used your powers on me?”
I shoot up, ignoring the pain in my shoulder and clutch her hands.
“Never. I swear,” I promise her and I’m not lying. I have shielded her with it, used it to shove someone into her, but I have never used it on her. Not even to move a single hair.
She stares into my eyes and nods.
“I believe you.”
I breathe a sigh of relief and lay back down. I was doing that a lot today. I couldn’t believe she hadn’t kicked me out yet. She just found out I’m a demon and she’s not even scared. The most she’s been is angry that I kept it from her.
“I don’t understand,” I say quietly.
“That makes two of us.”
“No, why aren’t you afraid of me?”
“Why would I be?”
“I’m a demon.”
“So?”
“You do know what that means right?”
“Yes, I’m not stupid.” She rolls her eyes at me. It’s so normal I would laugh if I knew it wouldn’t hurt so bad.
“That’s not what I meant.”
She sighs and rubs her forehead.
“I just know you won’t hurt me. You’re good.”
This time I do laugh and I instantly regret it.
“You’re the first person to ever call me good,” I wheeze, fighting the pain.
She lays my head in her lap and pulls the blanket from the back of the couch to cover me up.
“I don’t care what you or anyone else says. I know there’s good in you. From the moment I met you I’ve seen it and I’ve kept seeing it. I know it’s not an act.”
“How do you know?” I ask sleepily. The combined warmth of her and the blanket has my eyelids closing.
“I just do,” she says and I let the darkness close in.
Chapter 11
When I wake up, it’s the middle of the night and Natalie is gone. I heighten my senses and see a dark lump in front of me.
“Shadow?” I say into the darkness. A huff comes from the lump. “How’d you get here?”
“I went and got him,” says a voice in the darkness. A lamp turns on and illuminates Natalie’s face. She’s sitting in a chair, wrapped up in a blanket. Was she watching me while I slept?
“How’d you get into my apartment?”
“Swiped your keys.”
For some reason I find that funny and a laugh rips through me. I wait for the pain but only a slight ache comes. That’s good; the worst of it must have healed. Shadow huffs again and I reach out and pet him behind the ears.
“Good boy,” I say. Natalie watches us, the wheels turning in her brain.
“Dogs don’t like demons do they?”
“No, they don’t. Cats like us just fine though.”
“Why did Shadow take to you then?”
“It’s because we’re similar.”
“What do you mean?”
“We’ve both killed.”
She’s silent and I worry I scared her but eventually she speaks again.
“Why doesn’t he like me?”
“So why don’t you stay away?”
“Because I’m selfish.”
In the darkness it’s hard to tell what she’s feeling. A part of me is dying to know but another part is terrified. Despite what she said earlier, she could change her mind at any moment. I don’t want her to fear me and I don’t want to lose her.
“How are you feeling?” In the dark, her voice seems louder, or maybe it’s just my heightened senses.
“Better. Most of the pain is gone.”
“Let me check it.”
She gets up and turns the overhead light on. I sit up and lean against the back of the couch. She keeps her face neutral as she walks over and crouches down beside me. She moves the blanket, revealing my bare chest and works on gently removing the tape. When she removes the bloody bandage, I can tell she’s surprised when she sees the skin has knitted itself closed. She doesn’t say anything though as she puts a fresh bandage on. When she’s done, she stands up and starts to leave.
“Wait,” I say, grabbing her hand. My shoulder twinges but I ignore it. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
As she looks at me, something breaks and tears fill her eyes. I immediately release her hand and apologize.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”
“It’s not you, you stupid head,” she’s says, angrily wiping away her tears. “Well, it is but not really.”
She crouches back down and looks at me with watery eyes.
“Is it okay if I?”
She motions to my lap. I nod and she carefully crawls onto my lap like a child. Her side leans against my chest and I slowly bring my arms around her, worried that she might break apart. Her head rests against my good shoulder and her hand splays over my heart. A warm tear falls onto my skin, followed by another. She starts to shake and I pull the blanket up around us.
“I was so scared,” she says through the tears. “Not of you but of what might happen to you. I know I got in the way earlier and that’s why you got hurt. I was scared I had got you killed. Then you fell asleep and I just kept thinking, what if he doesn’t wake up? I knew you wouldn’t want Shadow by himself so I decided to go get him but then I kept thinking what would happen if that angel came back while I was gone. It was an angel right?”
I nod.
“I thought so. So I sped through town and got back as fast as I could. I kept imagining walking in and finding you dead but you were fine. You were still asleep, safe and sound. I tried to sleep too but I started to panic again so I just stayed up, listening to you breathe. And I know that sounds creepy but I was worried and you know you’re actually pretty cute when you’re asleep, even wounded. And now here I am bawling like a baby when you’re the one hurt.”
I rub her back, trying to comfort her.
“Don’t worry about me. You saw for yourself that I’m fine. The inside still has some healing to do but in a few days I’ll be good as new. Not even a scar.”
She lays in my arms, silent. The tears have stopped which I take as a good sign but I don’t have much experience to know for sure. For all I knew, this could just be the calm before the storm.
“I think I’m selfish too,” she says finally.
“Why do you say that?”
“Because I don’t want you to leave me.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Not if you don’t want me to.”
She doesn’t respond and I look down and see her eyes closed.
“Natalie?” I say quietly. She doesn’t stir and I slowly stand up, careful not to jostle her. My shoulder protests but I ignore it and carry her upstairs to her bedroom. I hold her with one arm and pull the sheets back with the other. She sighs in her sleep as I lay her down and cover her back up. I stand there, watching the even rise and fall of her chest as she sleeps soundly. Shadow followed us up from downstairs and now stands in the doorway.
“You’ll let me know if anyone comes?”
He huffs and lays down to keep watch. I shuck off my jeans and crawl into the bed beside her. The smell of her cucumber melon soap wafts up to meet me as I lay my head on her pillow. I hug her to my chest and tuck the blankets in around her so she won’t be cold. Then for the second time, I fall asleep feeling her warmth.
Chapter 12
I’m up before Shadow can wake me. I sensed the presence at the same time he did. I carefully remove my arm from under Natalie and grab my jeans off the floor. I put them on and tell Shadow to stay. I rip off the bandage, a thin scratch is all that is left on the outside, and walk downstairs. I turn right and walk into the kitchen.
“Morning, Kest,” I greet the demon leaning against the counter. “What can I do for you?”
Kest looks at me with suspicion in his eyes.
“Word on the street is an angel came down yesterday. I came up to make sure no damage was done. All Portland demons were accounted for, except for you. You weren’t in your apartment. It took me awhile to track you down here.”
“An angel? Really?” I feign ignorance. “It wasn’t after me. It was a, satisfying night, if you know what I mean?”
My stomach churns but Kest can’t know Natalie is anything more than a one night stand. Kest points at my shoulder.
“And what would that be?”
“She likes it rough,” I shrug. Buy it. Please buy it.
Kest stalks towards me, his eyes intense and serious.
“Nathan told me he saw you with a girl a month ago; a girl that looks a lot like the one in that bed up there. I hope you aren’t making a habit of her.”
Dammit. I forgot about Nathan seeing us but he shouldn’t have thought anything of it. Unless Kest had specifically asked if I had been acting unnatural. I didn’t normally take customers on dates, the only desires I deal in are with actual deals, Nathan might have sensed something was off. I return Kest’s serious gaze.
“No, sir. She’s good for scratching an itch is all.”
For a minute he looks like he doesn’t believe me but then he relaxes. He returns back to the counter and runs his hand along the edge, feeling the grooves in the tiles.
“Good. First you get a dog, then I hear you’ve been socializing with one woman, I was getting worried, Jack. I would hate to find out you are playing homemaker instead of homewrecker.” He turns around. “In any case, it’s time to move on. No matter how, satisfying, one woman is; this one has overstayed her use. Finish with her and find a new one. Preferably a married one, try to ruin two lives instead of one.”
His implication is clear, stain Natalie’s soul and leave, otherwise there will be consequences.
“Understood.” I nod.
“Good boy.” He straightens his suit and looks up at the ceiling; he listens for a while before smiling. “Sounds like she’s up. Maybe you can get in a few more sessions before her time is up.”
______________
Kest leaves and I slowly make my way back upstairs. What was I going to do? Shadow had been right. I should have left Natalie alone. Now she was in danger and I would have to break her heart to keep her safe. I round the corner into her bedroom and watch as she starts to stir. As her eyes start to flutter open, I sit down on the edge of the bed. I move her hair away from her face; she smiles and opens her eyes.
“Good morning,” she says. Her sleepy eyes are lighter than normal and I take in every inch of her face, memorizing every aspect so I will never forget. I breathe in the smell of her cucumber melon soap. I kiss her, trying to leave her with everything and nothing at the same time. I brand the feeling of her lips into my brain. I take in the taste of her and the warmth of her against me. When I have her firmly locked in my heart, I break away.
“What was that for?” she asks, out of breath. I smile and caress her cheek. The smoothness of her skin is something I want to remember too.
“I have to go away for a while,” I say finally. Her smile disapp
ears and she sits up.
“But last night you said-”
“I know what I said.” I move her hair behind her ears and drop my hands. I waited so long to touch her and now I would never be able to again.
“Something has come up,” I continue. “I need to take care of some things.”
“When will you be back?”
Never.
“I don’t know.”
Coward. You can’t even say it.
“Alright,” she says quietly. She knows I’m hiding something. Her instincts are telling her that her fears are coming true but her heart doesn’t want to believe it.
“Where’s my coat?” I ask her. “Wouldn’t want your neighbors gossiping about the shirtless man leaving your house.” I try and lighten the mood but it doesn’t work. She gives a weak smile and gets out of bed. She walks to the closet and brings out my coat. The one I wore on our first date. The one I’ve let her keep this whole time. She hesitates before handing it over. It might just be a coat but in her mind it was a symbol; a symbol that I’d be back.
“Thanks.”
“No problem.”
She follows me downstairs. This time there’s no goodbye kiss on the cheek. She just stands in the doorway, watching as Shadow and I get into the car. Watching as I drive away and don’t look back.
Chapter 13
Three weeks later and I still hadn’t looked back.
I take that back.
I looked back.
It had been three weeks of hell for me. And trust me, I know hell.
31 unsent text messages.
14 calls ended before the first ring.
9 nights perched in the tree outside her house.
And 56 broken and replaced pieces of furniture.
I wasn’t doing so well.
I tried to throw myself into work but every deal I made left a bad taste in my mouth. Every payment I took made my skin itch. Every bone I broke made me want to, well, actually that’s the only part I still enjoyed.
Everything paled in comparison to being with Natalie. I wanted to see her smile, wanted to hear her laugh, wanted to watch her work, I wanted to feel her in my arms. My only consolation was Shadow. I still had him. Without him, I don’t know what I would have done but he helped alleviate some of the pain and reminded me why I was doing this. I was doing this for her. So she would be safe. I could handle this as long as she was safe.